How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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