i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
