dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
