he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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