We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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