Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
