I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
