Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
