ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
