Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
