i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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