Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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