Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I will pee on everything he values.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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