I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
