Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
operation have a gay friend backfired
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
