i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
