Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
