please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
