What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
