like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I smell like Dick and happiness
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
