Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
