I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So many bounce houses so little time
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
