I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
