either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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