Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
