When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish i was in the wii world.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
