She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize