Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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