I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
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