He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
