Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
