I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
