he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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