I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize