This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
