I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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