when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
