I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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