My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
