u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
