i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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