Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
