I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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