I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
