Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
3 2 1 whiskey
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
