when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
