Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Welp...herpes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
