Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Text me some of your sweat
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