i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize