I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
