Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
