1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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