You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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