i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
