Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
