The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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