i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
