I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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