Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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