some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have aggressive nipples.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
