apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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