I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You're like the curious george of whores
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
