I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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