I hate all girls vehemently.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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