Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
