i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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