Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
