Umm I'm too high to move.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
