I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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