I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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